PruneFace Cracks, or: Cat vs Palpatine
by Lionchilde
Summary: 6th in the Vader and Cat series. Cat helps Vader make an unexpected discovery.


6th in the Vader and Cat series.

In order, they are:

1._Cracking the Armor  
_2. _Anotrher Disturbing Crack.  
_3. _Completely Cracked...and the Cat Came Back.  
_4. _Cracking the Death Star  
_5. _Cracking Imperial Center, or: Cat Goes to Coruscant  
_6. _Prune-Face Cracks, or: Cat Versus Palpatine_

I have gotten a few requests to combine the VaderCat fics into one long piece. I'm sorry, but I won't be doing that. These are only going to work artistically as vignettes because I have no actual "storyline" or plot formed for a long Cat story. Making this a long WIP rather than just something for which I can whip up silliness whenever I feel like a new one sort of ruins the appeal. These are what I do when I need a break from my epics.

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**Prune-Face Cracks, or: Cat Versus Palpatine**

The cat didn't react to Vader's look, and the Dark Lord could only walk slowly up to the steps and drop onto one knee. As he did so, he used one hand to flare the bottom of his cloak, hoping that the motion would attract the cat's attention. The cat, however, displayed no interest in the cloak, which at any other moment would have been its favorite place to hide. It calmly shifted positions on the step and began to wash itself, its manner entirely disdainful of the exchange going on in the room around it.

"You are late, Lord Vader," Palpatine began.

"Yes, my Master," Vader replied, folding his hands calmly around his knee. "I have no excuse.

"I see. And do you perhaps have an excuse for the untimely fate of my Death Star?" asked the Emperor.

_Yes,_ Vader thought with a silent sigh. _The kitten sitting on the step over there is the culprit. I still don't know how and I don't know why. But it is._ Aloud, he replied only, "No, my Master."

"Well," the Emperor replied, his yellow eyes settling on his apprentice for a long, painful moment, in which he allowed Vader to contemplate several dozen possibilities for punishment which had not yet occurred to him. Then, slowly and deliberately, he rose from his throne. Hands still enfolded in the sleeves of his black robe, he started down the steps, seeming to float down them as part of the shadows in the room rather than to actually walk. About halfway down the steps, he came to a sudden halt and tipped his head back, drawing in a sharp breath. Vader looked up hurriedly, then brought his gaze back to the cat, which was still blithely bathing itself without regard for either of them.

_"Ah-choo!"_

Vader stared in disbelief.

Startled by the sneeze, the cat sprang off the step and bolted for the shelter of Vader's cloak. The animal just made it under the hem of the garment when Palpatine looked back at Vader. The Emperor sniffled. Vader continued staring but did not otherwise react.

"Lord Vader," Palpatine began again. "Is there a cat in this room?"

"Cat, my Master?" Vader asked with an air of confusion.

"You know that I am allergic to cats, Vader," said the Emperor.

In fact, Vader had not known. The subject of allergies had never come up between them, nor had they ever had any reason to discuss house pets. However, the revelation of the Emperor's allergy left Vader, for the first time in a very, very long time, on the verge of laughter.

"Yes, my Master," he said solemnly.

"And--_achoo! Achoo!"_

Each sneeze became more violent, until the hood of Palpatine's cloak fell back to expose his bald, disfigured head. Terrified either by the noise or the Emperor's hideous appearance, the cat hissed menacingly. Fortunately, between Palpatine's sneezing and the racket made by Vader's breather, the sound was barely audible even to Vader. He doubted that his Master would be able to hear it.

"You would not have--_ah-CHOO!_--brought a cat into my throne room, would you, Lord Vader?"

"Where would I have found a cat, my Master?" Vader asked innocently.

"I don't--_achoo!_--know," replied Palpatine. "But there is some reason that I am--_ah-choo!_-- sneezing!"

"I don't even like cats," Vader said honestly. "Perhaps you are catching a cold."

"A cold?!" repeated Palpatine.

"It happens to the best of us, my Master," Vader said.

Palpatine glared down at him, but before he could make a response, another fit of sneezing struck. This time, he came very close to stumbling down the stairs. When he recovered, he gave Vader another long look.

"Vader. I am going to lie down. I will deal with you later," he announced. Then he moved swiftly down the steps and out of the throne room, sneezing loudly every step of the way. Even after the door slid closed behind him, Vader could hear the echoes of those sneezes slowly growing more and more distant.

When they had finally faded away, he lifted up the edge of his cloak. The kitten craned its neck to peer up at him. He looked back thoughtfully for a while, then sighed. "You expect a bowl of milk for this, don't you?"


End file.
